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i’m glad the shit that lives in the ocean lacks the ability to leave the ocean because most of it is scary as fuck
hey mom can you help me roll this blunt
me whispering to my dog in the dark: hey.. you still up?
@myself what the fuck are you doing
one time we got a new kid in fifth grade and he walks right in and sticks his hand under the stapler and staples his hand and just looks at the teacher and goes “I’m going to the nurse” and leaves
one time when I was about four, the 10 year old neighbour boys attacked me with water guns and when I ran away and told my mom she gave me the hose and set it to pressure wash and basically told me to finish what they started
lms if you’re a 90’s kid and remember columbus coming to america
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